Men, Women and Clingfilm
Having succeeded in having the two accidents between us this year, it is transparently clear how difficult it is to carry out a normal life with only two left hands between two right handed people, for instance, have you ever tried putting a quilt cover over a quilt with just your left hand!! It also makes the difference between the genders quite apparent. For example, when she who is being cared for bellows:-“Put them in the dishwasher”, I have to individually look at every one of the big white things in the kitchen before I can come to a reasonable conclusion, based on the balance of probabilities, which one it is. No, this is not strictly true, even I know that the thing with the glass fronted hole in the front sometimes has sheets and things whizzing about in it.So I am not entirely stupid.
I then have to call Sheila to switch it on!
But the thing that really, really amazes me is that I am convinced that I am genetically incapable of pulling a length of clingfilm from a roll. Whilst Sheila whips off perfect sheets of whatever lengths she wants, I, on the other hand, acquire absolutely perfect 10 cm. equilateral triangles. After about five or six of these, the roll usually flies through the air and thuds into the opposite wall of the kitchen.
This is known as “problem solving” by Personnel Departments or as they have now decided to rename themselves, “Human Resources”, This, “rebranding”, is as silly as calling yourself, “The Artist Formerly Known As, (whatever his name was)”, and was done, I assume, to give the rest of us a laugh as we went about our daily grind.
I have carried out a survey amongst my friends and, whilst not exactly NOP, I have not met one man can get clingfilm from a roll. To be honest, there is one exception, an acquaintance I have found, who says he is an expert, but then he does not care for the Beatles, supports Aston Villa and thinks that Kilroy-Silk once made a sensible comment. Thus his opinion can be completely discounted.
But why is this ability so important I do not hear you ask?
Because Sheila believes that any food not covered by clingfilm for the 13.5 seconds it takes to get it from the cooker to the table is going to be infected by an incurable virus which turns your body to goo and ultimately will wipe the human race off the face of the earth.
This will, of course, make everyone very unhappy except the Taliban wing of the Environmental Movement who will be deliriously happy that mankind can no longer damage the environment, or as the rest of us would have it, live.
But, after a short period of time, their delight will turn to horror as they start to turn into Jelly and the words “Oh”, and “Shit”, will be uttered many times before being overtaken by a distinct “Gloop”, sound, and, faintly, in the background, the dying whisper of a scientist will be heard,
“I told you…….. you should have let us finish……. our virus research at Huntington Life Sciences!”
Even as the Human Race passes into the mist of history there has to be someone to say, “I told you so!”
Have a good day and be careful with the clingfilm!